Four Worms and a Lesson to be learned

Facts about the Human Body

• It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.  
• One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb). 
• The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb. 
• Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. 
• A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. 
• There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
• Women blink twice as often as men. 
• The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
• Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
• If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. 
• Women reading this will be finished now. 
• Men are still busy checking their thumbs
  

Overheard in New York - Catching the Subway

Wednesdays Will Let Go Of the One-Liners When They're Damn Good and Ready

Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the doors are closing, don't throw yourselves at them.

--Uptown 6 Train

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, use all train doors. This is not a high school cafeteria line. Use all doors!

--C Train

Conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors. Please. Folks, I am not kidding, stand clear of the closing doors. Unless you like that whole cut-in-half look, then go right ahead and stand in the way.

--Uptown A Train

Overheard by: queen

Conductor: We are not auditioning for any amateur doormen today. Please let go of the closing doors.

--1 Train

Overheard by: RG

Door controller: Ladies and gentlemen, if you keep the doors open we will be here till Christmas. So don't do it.

--Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Vedant

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen in the first car, please let the doors close. (people keep the doors open) Excuse me, please let the doors close. (people keep the doors open) Ladies and gentlemen, if you do not let the doors close, I will bite you. (doors close)

--Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: amused passenger

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Be a Part Of It

Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.

--Grand Central Terminal

Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!"

--Macy's, Herald Square

Overheard by: The City Planner

Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?

--1st Ave & 6th St

Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know?

--Penn Station

Overheard by: BPV

Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter."

--96th & Columbus Ave

Gujarati Spiderman, Yo!

Ek Dukhi Pati

                           Ek Dukhi Pati.*

 

*What is the difference

between

Saali & Wife* 

Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty

Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension

Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi

Saali is Pataka, Wife is BATAKA 

Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool

Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi 

Saali is Fresh cake , Wife is earth QUAKE


*Ek Dukhi Pati.*

LOSING ALL YOUR FRIENDS

Losing all your friends

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend and kills him.

Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."

Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a brother"....

Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....

Meaning of WIFE

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!"

Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"

Importance of a period

Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"

Kid: "Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away."

Confident vs. confidential

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential? "

Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! "

Anger management?

Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"

Wife: "I clean the toilet."

Husband: "How does that help?"

Wife: "I use your toothbrush."

RULE NUMBER ONE: KNOW YOUR CUSTOMERS

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained

"When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I
would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But,
I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey
the message through three posters...

First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting.

Second poster: The man is drinking our Cola.

Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed.

And then these posters were pasted all over the place

"Then that should have worked!" said the friend.

"The hell it should have!" said the salesman.

"But I didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"

Aye Lo Ji

********

Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata. 

******** 

Interviewer: What is a skeleton?
Santa: A skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!! 

******** 

Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, your wife very sweet. 

******** 

Santa: bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lakh plastic surgery ke liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha 

******** 

Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.

******** 

Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta ! 

******** 

Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market. 

********

Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?

Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi. 

******** 

Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...