Overheard in New York - Catching the Subway

Wednesdays Will Let Go Of the One-Liners When They're Damn Good and Ready

Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, if you see the doors are closing, don't throw yourselves at them.

--Uptown 6 Train

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, use all train doors. This is not a high school cafeteria line. Use all doors!

--C Train

Conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors. Please. Folks, I am not kidding, stand clear of the closing doors. Unless you like that whole cut-in-half look, then go right ahead and stand in the way.

--Uptown A Train

Overheard by: queen

Conductor: We are not auditioning for any amateur doormen today. Please let go of the closing doors.

--1 Train

Overheard by: RG

Door controller: Ladies and gentlemen, if you keep the doors open we will be here till Christmas. So don't do it.

--Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Vedant

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen in the first car, please let the doors close. (people keep the doors open) Excuse me, please let the doors close. (people keep the doors open) Ladies and gentlemen, if you do not let the doors close, I will bite you. (doors close)

--Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: amused passenger

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Be a Part Of It

Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.

--Grand Central Terminal

Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!"

--Macy's, Herald Square

Overheard by: The City Planner

Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?

--1st Ave & 6th St

Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know?

--Penn Station

Overheard by: BPV

Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter."

--96th & Columbus Ave